I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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