Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
