Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Small penises have feelings too.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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