He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
