No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
