i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
