glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
third nipple confirmed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
