you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
