I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
