if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
