Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
