my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
