I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
