just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
