i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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