Your mouth is God's brothel.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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