I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
