he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
