we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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