i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
