The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
