so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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