I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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