you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
