Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
