I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
