I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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