i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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