U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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