i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
