I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
