Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need a beard to bite.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
