I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
