Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
organizing the empties. That sober.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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