maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sext me about skeletons
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
