How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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