he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
tell me about the eggs
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