first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So squirting runs in the family.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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