last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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