Cold hands, warm shart.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i think i just lost a toe
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
