If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
