conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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