I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
