hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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