Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just invented taco cereal.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
