when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
