but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
