Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
