Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
