Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
